girl blowing nose

No Tissue? 5 Places to Wipe Your Boogers

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Genesis 3:7 And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.
Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.

A bit of practical advice for the kids that read our blog.

We have all had this conundrum at some point in our lives, I think, so I thought that you kids would appreciate some advice from me. I have had thirty years of experience, so you can trust that I know what I am talking about and that all of the wiping methods here enumerated have been thoroughly tested.

 

1. The Sock You Are Wearing

My number one choice. The top of the sock is hidden by my pants since I wear crew socks (the kind that you pull a good way up your calf).

Pros
  • Works while driving because you are in a sitting position so the sock is close to your hand.
    • What’s that? You don’t drive yet, you say? Well then, store this advice away somewhere for later use.
  • Works while sitting at your school desk for the same reason.
  • Keeps the booger more or less in a safe place until the sock is placed in the washer. Then the booger is disintegrated into the surrounding liquid.
Cons
  • Some people like being barefoot so much that even having a convenient place to hide their boogers won’t entice them.
  • If you wear those ankle socks then it may not work so well.
  • Won’t work when wearing shorts or most skirts.
  • Whoever washes the laundry might discover your gross behavior.

 

2. The Inside of the Clothes on Your Waist

The trick is to wipe it at a point where the booger will touch your underclothes, thereby avoiding smearing your skin with green slime.

Pros
Cons
  • If you wear a belt or your pants are too tight then while you are trying to stick your finger inside of your waist the booger might be inadvertently wiped pre-entry.
  • May need both hands: one to stretch the waist and one to wipe the booger.

 

3. Directly onto the Pants or Skirt

I only advocate this for the very small bits and the leftover on your finger after you’ve already wiped the bigger booger.

Pros
  • You probably learned this at a young age and so can do it almost without thought.
Cons
  • You probably learned this at a young age and so might be doing it with boogers of more generous proportions. I am here to teach you more sophisticated wiping technique.

 

 4. Roll into a Ball and Flick Away

I don’t do this much because it is disgusting. However, I do know someone who does. I shan’t give you the name because that would not be kind, but it is not Rachel Michal Odum.

Pros
  • It is better than simply flinging it because once you roll it up into a ball it does not stick to your fingers when you try to get it off.
  • This is just a theory, but it might build up an immunity to being grossed out.
Cons
  • Ew.

 

5. On a Convenient Disposable Object Within Reach

Such as dirty diapers that have not yet been thrown away or a candy wrapper that you can re-wrap and stick in your pocket.

Pros
  • Since the object is trash anyway, people may forgive you if they detect your bad manners.
  • It is sort of like the pot calling the kettle black if they say anything about your manners if they are the ones who left trash lying around.
Cons
  • If you have gone to bed then you might forget to throw it away in the morning when you wake up.
  • Sometimes you have to spend some time looking around for a convenient object and all the while you have a booger on your finger.

What’s that? You say your mother’s coming? Quick! Scroll down and I will talk out of the other side of my mouth!

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Why Are You Picking Your Nose, Anyway? Don’t You Know That’s Rude?

I mean, I know that sometimes there is no tissue at hand, and that it gets uncomfortable if you let your nose fill up with dry goobers, and that… whassay? She’s gone now? Okay! Get to the comments and tell us your favorite. Or if you know Wipe Fu and can teach us a thing or two, then by all means share.

And if you like humor, Rachel’s When Fools Prevail (The Feathered Kingdom Series, Book One) has lots of it (and it’s less crude). If you haven’t already, be sure to click here and buy an ebook or physical copy from Amazon.

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